You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize