2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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