When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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