I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
