Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
