he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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