Soap is not a condiment
farters have to be the big spoon...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
