plz talk dirty to me
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
