Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
