well I can't set my house on fire every night
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
