Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
