Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
