I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
