This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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