Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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