If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
