good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
