It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
