You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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