i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
