it was like his penis was on wheels.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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