I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
