you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
