Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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