I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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