listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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