At least make sure they are 18
Why
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Houston, we have a squirter
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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