she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
