I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
