You smell like stripper and shame
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
