Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
