last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
