Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
