I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
