From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
