Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
How's work?
Spinning.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
