He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
