I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
