you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
