Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm at about main and main street
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
