u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
