if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
