The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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