thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
