Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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