both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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