Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
