I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
