im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Found the puke drawer
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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