no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
