it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
