I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
