don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
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i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
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Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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