No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
my liver is dry heaving
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