On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I cockslap morals
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
