Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
