I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize