I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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