He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
