my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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