Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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