Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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