So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
