a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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