of course. lets lasso hookers.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
