the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
