She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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