My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
