i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
