she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
