I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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