remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
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