I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
