if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
