why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i've created a new STD.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
