I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
