party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
