I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
