I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
